CAROLYNN'S CREW 3 Day Walk for Breast Cancer Please sign my guestbook, and include your city & state (country also, if international) click here The 3 Day Event is back, and better than ever...KOMEN is here and we are ready. Below, you may view my personal journal in preparation for the 2004 walks. Carolynn's Crew DC: Carolynn Johnson Kelle Merritt Diane Jones Lois Garrett Theresa Angelosanto Carolynn's Crew Chicago: Ruth Novak Theresa Angelosanto Lois Garrett Dione Beilgard Carolynn's Crew Detroit: Loretta Knox Carolynn's Crew LA: Susan Safran Darlene Flynn For my complete story of breast cancer during pregnancy, click here To view other years journals and return to the main page, click here   web pinkribbonmiracle.com

THE JOURNAL most recent entries at the top Tuesday August 17, 2004 Another walk has come and gone, yet the feelings will always remain. I have already registered for next year, in Philadelphia. I will walk as long as I am able, or until there is no longer a need, because I believe in a world without breast cancer. These events are truly life changing. If only every person could spend a weekend like this, surely the world would be a better place. Thank you God, for another day, and thank you for the many blessings in my life. Monday August 16, 2004 I chose to ride home with Frank and the girls, rather than take the flight back. It felt good to have my family with me. Thank you God, for another day. click here to view 2004 DC Walk Pics click here to view 2004 Chicago & Detroit Walk Pics Sunday August 15, 2004 At last it was 4am, and day three was upon us. The final day of the walk. On this day, I wanted to take time in quiet solitude, to stay within myself with my thoughts. Although we walked together a lot, I enjoyed the silence we could share. I found out the night before that Frank and the girls were definitely coming, and I was eager to see them. I had so wanted them to share this experience with me.The sky was clear and there was no rain in sight. This final day started with a couple of big hills, and thankfully they were in the shade. As I walked, my toe was still hurting, but it was not unbearable. My body held up better than I could have hoped. The muscular soreness was minor. At five miles, the heat was making itself known, and I changed to a sleeveless shirt. I was thankful to be able to soak a neck cooler as well. Just before the ten mile mark, which is lunch, the heat was really starting to affect me. We soon came upon a cheering station. These are organized along the route. People bring their children, they bring their pets (lots even wear clothing for the event, especially pink ribbons). They make signs of support and they applaud when the walkers pass. NOTHING will make you forget your pain more than a cheering station. Nothing makes your pace quicken like that show of support. My eyes fill with tears as they say thank you. They don't understand. It is I who thanks them. They support us. They care. THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. One kind person gave us a Popsicle, and it was exactly what we needed to get us over the next hill and on to the lunch stop.At lunch, I sat along a wall, and took some time to close my eyes and think. To take a moment in silence and thank God for the miracle of my life. So many walkers are here because they lost someone. For some reason, I was spared. Sometimes that emotion is more than I can contain, and as I write these words, tears again flow. Why me? Not why did I have cancer. But why was I given such a gift? My life and my Hannah. Thank you, God.The next three portions of the route had no sweep access. Although there was emergency access if someone needed an ambulance, should someone need to be picked up, there was no option for that. Sunday was the hottest day, and I was not going to take a chance. I decided to stay behind.Soon the phone rang and it was Frank. He and the girls were in DC, checked into the hotel. He met Theresa and I at the last stop, and took us to the holding area. After changing into our victory shirts, we joined the others in cheering welcomes to the incoming walkers. The music was loud, and the environment was emotionally charged. I watch a young girl cross the line and an older man embraced her. They held that position for such a long time, then with tears they parted and he said "you did it". THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.Soon I saw Kelle. I moved onto the sidewalk to greet her. As I hugged her, we cried together. We watched for Lois and Diane, and almost missed them in the crowd. Kelle ran around to meet them, and I went another way, but they were lost in a sea of walkers. Soon they headed over to us and we were again together.Finally it was time to stage everyone for the final walk. I left to go with the survivors group, and Kelle, Theresa, Lois and Diane stayed with the remaining walkers and carried the Crew Banner.Closing ceremonies are emotional. It's just an amazing presence--to see walkers filing into the stage area, in rows of three. The streets are lined with well wishers, and family members there to greet their loved ones. Cheers and applause greet everyone, and there is a feeling of genuine concern from everyone you pass.We are stopped briefly, and I hear my name. I look to my right, and my girls and Frank are right beside me. They run out for kisses, and my day is complete.After a moment, the survivors are called forward. There was only about 50 of us...around 5% of the walkers. We walked in, arms raised high in victory. We are winning our fight. We are alive.A slow circle of walkers enter the center, and a flag is raised slowly. A speaker repeats a now familiar phrase. WE BELIEVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT BREAST CANCER. I look around, and tears are everywhere. It is a solemn moment and as I look to the sky, to the flag, with our nation's Capitol as the backdrop, I am overcome. Thank you for my life. Thank you God, for another day. Saturday August 14, 2004 With the familiar sound of tents unzipping, it was time to start another day. We packed our gear back up, took down the tents, and ate a quick breakfast. Soon we were back on the road. The morning was a pleasant one. Somewhere along the way, one of my toes began to hurt. At a pit stop, I took a quick look, and the nail was so very tender. It appeared it was lifting and a blister was forming at the base of the nail. I'd never had a problem like this, so I bandaged it up and we kept walking.It was nice to sit and take a lunch break. The clouds were moving in and soon we felt the first sprinkles of rain. We had heard that Hurricane Charley was moving up the coast, and we would be hit around 1:00pm. The rain began to fall heavier, and I was certain it would only get worse. We boarded a bus and were taken to the Expo Center for the Worlds largest indoor slumber party. We laughed as we tried to figure out exactly how we were expected to lay out our gear and set up the sleeping arrangements. We ended up head to head, side by side, more than 1100 people sleeping in rows. After showering (someone must write about what SHOWERING involves, LOL) and putting on our sleeping clothes, we sat and had dinner together. All around, people were hobbling, limping, bandaged and bruised. Camp at the 3 Day truly looks like a war zone. Injuries and aching muscles everywhere. The final walkers started coming into the center. Regardless of what anyone was doing, they STOPPED. It was like the parting of the sea, as an aisle opened up to let the final walkers come through. Those walkers had pushed, they had rested, the limped, and they made it. Were they greeted with looks of disappointment for their slow pace? perhaps because they had been swept by not making a pit stop by closing time? NO. They were met with CHEERS. APPLAUSE. SCREAMS. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. Many of those last walkers cried, overcome with emotion at the reception they were given. Overcome at the emotion of what was a physically challenging day. I had chills, and I shed tears. THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.It was soon lights out, but there was no sleep for many of us that night. Snores echoed through the building, and at times it seems the minutes dragged by. I am alive, and I am healthy. Thank you God, for another day. Friday August 13, 2004 3:15am came very early. We had to get up, eat, pack our gear, and board a charter bus. We were taken to the Dulles Expo Center for opening ceremonies. Once the group gathered, an emotional ceremony followed and soon we were outside walking. Those first steps are taken excitedly, as we wonder what this weekend will hold. For those of us who were repeat walkers, we knew what was to come. There are precious moments that you hold on to. For three days, you live in a world of kindness. A world where people are GOOD, they are KIND, and they CARE. Our team walked together most all of the day. The pace was slow at times as we walked in a crowd. Lunch was at ten miles, and our overall pace had been very good. By then, the day was warming, and a familiar nag of concern was in the back of my mind. We walked on. At fifteen miles, and another pit stop, I decided to rest. I had just walked farther than I had dreamed, farther than my goal, and farther than I had walked at any time during training. I felt good, I felt satisfied. After resting some, a part of me wanted to continue. The rational part of me knew that the right thing to do was not continue the day. The heat was beating down, and I could not risk it. It was more important to stay back those last few miles, and spend time talking to others...enjoying the experience.We were taken to camp, where we retrieved our gear. Talk about random acts of kindness...in a sea of nothingness, someone had pitched my tent. A stranger, someone unknown to me, was KIND. We pitched the other two team tents, showered and "enjoyed" dinner. We stayed together, went to the store and listened to the entertainment on stage.I took a moment to go to the remembrance tent. It is quiet there--a place for you to reflect, both on the losses in life and the joys of survivorship. Journals from previous walks lay on the tables, and entries written there will touch your soul. One entry said "Dear Daddy, I just wanted to say hi. I've just walked all day. It's been 21 years since you left, and I still miss you so very much..." THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. We heard that the storm was coming, so much so, that the decision was immediately made to move us indoors for night two. We wrapped our gear in plastic and placed it outside the tent (the tents were even smaller this year, and no room for gear inside) It was camp light's out at 9pm, but Kelle and I whispered until after 10:00. We always have so much to say, so much to catch up on. A few hours later, I checked my watch. 5:20. Kelle stirred and I told her it was after 5am. Then I said "Camp is awfully quiet for 5am, let me look again". OOPS, it was after 2am, not 5am! We chuckled and went back to sleep. Thank you God, for another day, and thank you for victory! Thursday August 12, 2004 This year's 3 Day Walk has been so important to me, in many ways. My first walk was six months after my last treatment. It was a test of my strength and a celebration of my life, and that of my sweet baby girl.When I thought I would be well on the road to recovery for the second year's walk, I ended up having a hysterectomy, and needed more recovery time. I pushed my body, I wanted to "get better". My body finally reacted to the trauma of the previous two years, and it became questionable if I would even be well enough to travel to last year's walk. But, travel I did, with my husband by my side. I didn't walk sixty miles. I didn't walk day one at all. I attending opening ceremonies and then spent the day resting in a hotel room, and being driven to see my fellow team members, my friends. I didn't walk day two either. I spent it sleeping, trying to get some strength. I spent time talking on the phone to the Crew, and a brief visit to their camp. Day three dawned, and I didn't walk. I rested. I met the Crew at the holding area. Carefully, slowly, and with a great amount of swallowed fear, I took my first steps. I made the two blocks (the pink mile) with my team. Surely, for year three, I would be strong. I would "get better". My strength began to return, and each day I felt stronger. Each day I was able to do more. I surprised myself when I climbed a set of stairs and didn't think I would pass out. My heart leapt for joy when I realized I could make a trip out somewhere and no longer be afraid. I WAS GETTING BETTER! I started training, and my distances grew. The day I walked 5 miles, I was beside myself with gratitude. Then I walked 10 miles. TEN MILES. Other than year one's walk, I had never walked ten miles in my entire life. Yes, I was "getting better". My training continued, and soon I had to deal with my own nemesis--the heat. I tried to build a tolerance. In some ways, I made a lot of progress. I could stay in the heat for a few hours, not just 5-10 minutes, as was my history.Not long after, I found myself back in the hospital, for another mastectomy. Two weeks later I walked a 36 mile week. I needed to show myself that, again, I could get better. It wasn't long before the heat became more intense, and I began to doubt my abilities for the walk in DC. "How could I be successful in DC in August?" Was I kidding myself that I could consider walking in the heat, knowing how sick it can make me? A month before the walk, I had to step back and make some decisions about my own health. I realized that for three years, every day I woke up and made a plan to "get better". I had to settle into an acceptance that I AM better. Its ok if I wake up and don't exercise. It's ok if I wake up and I don't walk. This year's walk meant I would learn that it is ok to do what I can do. It's ok if I can't tolerate the heat. Next year I will just walk where heat will not be a factor. More than anything, I wanted to go for the EXPERIENCE, that is the theme of the 3 Day events. I only walked 5 miles the month before the walk. I truly believed that I might end up only walking 5 miles each day, and then succumb to the heat. If I walked ten miles each day, FOR THIS YEAR, I would be well pleased. I settled into being comfortable with those goals. And now day zero is here. Diane and I left early to drive to the airport and catch our first flight. There was a lot of turbulence, but soon we were in Charlotte. We boarded the next flight, and soon we landed in Dulles. As we left the security area, I saw Kelle, pretty in pink. She looks GREAT. Theresa was there with her and we all exchanged hugs. It's funny how you can see people so infrequently, yet when you are together, it just feels like you were never apart. It wasn't long before Lois arrived, and more hugs all around. Our gear was packed into Kelle's car and we went to Day Zero for registration.The process was quick, since we all had express passes. There was excited chatter everywhere. Men and women of all ages, all shapes and sizes, were all there for one common cause. We believe in a world without Breast Cancer. As a survivor, my heart is touched by the large group. I know if it was not for their concern, my life and Hannah's may not have been saved. If not for research, for advances in technology...where would we be? Ten years ago, my chances of carrying Hannah would have been zero.After dinner, where we all chatted excitedly, we went to our rooms. Sitting in a group, our team, we laughed, we talked. It was a great bonding time for us. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday August 11, 2004 Today two local papers put a picture of me and the girls, with my story, on the front page. I knew it was coming out in print today, but had no idea we'd get front page coverage. Anytime I can get my story out, I am humbled, and gratified. If only ONE person will learn to BELIEVE. Tonight, I am packed and ready to leave early in the morning. The months have passed so quickly. We've had a tremendous year fund raising--more than $60,000 for the cause! Simply amazing. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday August 10, 2004 A busy day packing and tying up loose ends before we leave. I am hoping that Frank and the girls drive up for closing ceremonies. Nothing would make me happier than to cross that finish line and see the faces of the three people I love more than anything in this world. Thank you God, for another day. Monday August 9, 2004 I've added another set to my workout, while increasing the resistance. Today I definitely felt the "burn" as I fatigued my muscles. We leave for the walk in three days! I've been checking the weather forecast, and so far we have a chance of rain and temps in the low 80's. That's still hot to me, but it could be worse! Our team has been busily emailing each other and counting down the days. I can't wait to see my FRIENDS again! Thank you God, for another day. Sunday August 8, 2004 As the cancer tries to consume your little body, my heart breaks for you Carter. Everything according to God's plan. Thank you God, for another day. Saturday August 7, 2004 Record low temperatures (70 degrees) makes it feel like fall around here. By this time of the year I am so ready for summer to be over. Fall is my favorite season, and the biggest advantage? NO EXTREME HEAT. Thank you God, for another day. Friday August 6, 2004 "A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." Thank you God, for another day. Thursday August 5, 2004 In one week, I'll be on my way to DC for the walk. Our team has been busily emailing back and forth, trading tips and asking questions. Everyone seems very excited and I think we share the same goals for the walk. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday August 4, 2004 I am settled comfortably into working out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Although there are some things about going to the gym that I miss, the convenience of working out at home is what will help me stick to this routine. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday August 3, 2004 "Be mild with the mild, shrewd with the crafty, confiding to the honest, rough to the ruffian, and a thunderbolt to the liar. But in all this, never be unmindful of your own dignity." Thank you God, for another day. Monday August 2, 2004 Went to the doctor today, and now have both the scope and a colonoscopy scheduled for August 18. He also did blood work, an EKG and a chest x-ray. I'll now be able to find out exactly what is going on with my stomach/reflux. Still increasing the resistance on the BowFlex. By this evening my legs are slightly sore, which is good. I FEEL like I've worked out. The humidity is still horrid, and by this time of year, I always long for my favorite season--FALL. The 2005 3Day Walk Schedule has been announced. As I had been told in advance, DC is not on the list for 2005. That makes my decision easier to make, because I had planned to leave DC next year, if it was again scheduled in the hottest month of the year. Thank you God, for another day. Sunday August 1, 2004 "Love and time-those are the only two things in all the world and all of life that cannot be bought, but only spent." Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: unmeasured, on vacation & walking Saturday July 31, 2004 The walk is less than two weeks away now. Time has passed so quickly. It's time to let the body rest some and prepare for the grueling weekend. The DC group is excited, and eager to be together.We've just crossed the $60,000 mark, a number I would have never dreamed possible. I'm very proud of everyone who has played a part in our success. Thank you God, for another day. Friday July 30, 2004 I'm able to increase the resistance on the BowFlex, and glad I'm back into working out again. The walk is two weeks away, it's hard to believe time has passed so quickly!The CEO wrote personally to congratulate Carolynn's Crew as one of the top fund raising teams in the entire nation.I am so very proud of the amount of support we have received this year. The 2005 3-Day schedule has been posted and I am already thinking ahead to another year. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday July 29, 2004 Just home from a three day vacation with my parents. It was a great time, and the girls had a blast! Thank you God, for another day. Monday July 26, 2004 Worked out on the BowFlex today. I've settled into a comfortable routine now. "I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness or abilities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." -William Penn Thank you God, for another day. Sunday July 25, 2004 The passing of time! We are getting ready to leave for a few days vacation, and it seems, as always, there is never enough time in a day. My fourteen day medication ended Friday, and today my stomach is again hurting. I've gone back on the medicine until I can get into the doctor and get an update on the reflux progression. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 5 miles Saturday July 24, 2004 Last night was one of the better night's of sleep I've gotten in some time now. The day passed too quickly, and in a blink it was 6pm, and I had to get back on the road home. I love you, Michael, more than you'll ever know. Thank you God, for family love. Friday July 23, 2004 Left early this morning for an overnight trip to Michael's home in Charlotte. I made the trip alone, and it's always such a treat for me to spend the time together with my brother. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday July 22, 2004 "Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find." Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday July 21, 2004 Another workout on the BowFlex today, and no walking. I'm trying to combine strength training with the walking now. Tuesday July 20, 2004 Five miles today, in the heat. Dr. Stefanini told me that my heat intolerance will have to be accepted at some point. I've improved, but probably max'd out. I'm still getting stronger every day, and if my heat tolerance has built to a few hours from a few MINUTES, then I accept that. Thank you God, for another day. Monday July 19, 2004 Back to the BowFlex today. My strength training has been severely neglected while I spent my time walking. It felt good to be back and I was quickly reminded how much I enjoy it! Sunday July 18, 2004 "I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers,which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now." WEEKLY TOTAL: 0 miles Saturday July 17, 2004 "Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible" Thank you God, for another day. Friday July 16, 2004 I've spent the last few days thinking a lot about the walk, and about my physical condition. "Am I prepared?" "Can I make it?" In the past, I've found that I pressure myself, that I MUST be ready for the sixty miles, regardless of what physical limitations have been placed on me, or what obstacles may have gotten in the way. For more than three years, almost every day of my life has focused on my health, whether through thought or action (or both). During the illness, I just wanted to survive, deliver a healthy baby, and hear that I was in remission. Three weeks after I was told I was in remission, I registered to walk my first three day event, and began training. First, it was the illness, the focus on the disease, "bad" health. Since then the focus has been on "good" health, and trying to be strong again. I don't think I've taken a moment to "just be". I've had many set-backs along this journey, and always operated in a mode of "trying to get better". After this amount of time, I'm finally at a place where I can "just be", instead of pressuring myself to "get better". Do I still have physical goals? Absolutely. I'm not 100% yet. I will continue to work towards being the best me I can be, but I'm comfortable with the me I am TODAY. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday July 15, 2004 I've intentionally taken the last week to allow the meds to work, and my body to rest. I have not walked in the heat, although the ticking of the clock reminds me that the walk is only weeks away. I had to make my personal health the priority, and not feel pressure for training. I feel much better after taking the break. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday July 14, 2004 "The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity." Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday July 13, 2004 I can safely say that the medicine withdrawals are over, and my stomach has recovered. I still take the medication for the full two weeks, just to make sure I am healed. Onward and upward. Thank you God, for another day. Monday July 12, 2004 Today, upon waking, I was not sick to my stomach. I only had a few moments of nausea throughout the day. It looks like everything is now working together, and working out. Thank you God, for another day. Sunday July 11, 2004 I'm not sure if I can tolerate the new meds of not. It's time-released, and I awoke sicker than ever...but I am also coming off of another medication that can cause stomach pain upon withdrawal. By this afternoon, I was feeling somewhat better. I did take another dose of the new one this morning, because I really need to give it the opportunity to be accepted into my system. The worst may be behind me. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 5 miles Saturday July 10, 2004 In a "body heal thyself" type philosophy, I have really made sure my eating habits are in line, drinking plenty of water, and doing anything else I can to get my stomach settled, yet the symptoms are not relieved. I started a new medicine this morning, and time will tell if it will be effective. I had to ease off of the crunches because my rib cage was still a bit tight and tender. The incision continues to heal amazingly well, and my skin's hyper-sensitivity has greatly decreased. Thank you God, for another day. Friday July 9, 2004 A long week of heat, humidity, and terrible hot flashes. I had forgotten how severe the flashes can become in the summer, since they had lessened throughout the cooler months. It's not something I want to dwell on, it is something I simply accept. The week has seemed long, I must admit. "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." --Martha Washington Thank you God, for another day. Thursday July 8, 2004 I continue to feel sick to my stomach, as though my reflux is giving me problems again. This is probably the worst it has been, or the longest it has lasted. It may be time for a switch in meds. The humidity is still horrid, and at the present time I simply cannot tolerate it. A nice breeze comes through the house, and for that, I am thankful. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday July 7, 2004 Summer heat has really kicked in and the humidity continues to pull me down. My tolerance is not building as much as I would like. I walked 5 miles indoors on the treadmill today, because the heat was just making me sick to my stomach. It's frustrating to feel my body strong enough to continue, but the heat not allowing me to do so. I'll adjust as my body allows and take one day at a time. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday July 6, 2004 No walking today. I had to run some errands and catch up from a busy two days. Thank you God, for another day. Monday July 5, 2004 The heat became unbearable today. We had a yard sale, which put me outside from 6:30am until late in the evening. Although I took reprieve in the shade a few times, by 3pm, I was exhausted. I will continue to try to build a tolerance, but it is becoming quite difficult. "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing." --Abraham Lincoln Thank you God, for another day. Sunday July 4, 2004 "You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom." Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 36 miles Saturday July 3, 2004 The humidity is a formidable foe. My body, as far as my joints, muscles, etc, is holding up well with the increased walking. The humidity, however, is very difficult to tolerate. At points while walking today, I felt as though an elephant was standing on my chest. The air was so still and heavy. Even passing cars gave little relief. As I mentioned a few days ago, I had met one of the two goals for this week. Today, I met the second one---to walk more weekly miles that I had so far with my training. 31.5 was the magic number, but that was walked in six of seven days. Today I walked ten miles...which gave me 2 eight milers and 2 ten milers...for a total of 36 miles this week. That passes my high by 4.5 miles, and in four days instead of six. (My highest 4 day walk week was 20 miles--I passed that by 16 miles!) I also crossed the 300th training mile, now at 317. I'm pleased with that accomplishment. Tomorrow I will be out of town and it will be a no walking day. Today's walk did, however, "kick my butt". I will only walk as far as my body allows, without pushing beyond my personal limitations. As I continue to fear the humidity, I force myself to recall my history. My greatest tolerance in the past has been about 5-10 minutes in the heat, and then I had to find relief. I never lay in the sun, visit the pool, or participate in other outdoor summer activities. The thought of the heat makes me nauseous. From that perspective, I have made progress. Thank you God, for another day. Friday July 2, 2004 Another HOT day, and the air was still. I walked eight miles today, but had put the neck cooler on, which made the front of my shirt wet. I could feel an irritation starting on my incision and did not want to take any chances with walking any further. I've walked 26 miles so far in three days this week, a distance I am comfortable with. I plan to walk again tomorrow. I also did 20 crunches, again contracting the muscles hard and working my abs. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday July 1, 2004 I started crunches today for some toning, until I can get back full time on the BowFlex. I wanted to start slowly, because I hadn't done anything with my stomach is such a long time. I only did 15 crunches, but they were done properly, as I contracted my stomach hard on each one. I'd rather do fewer and do them right--it will be more effective. My stomach ached just a bit a few minutes afterwards, but no soreness beyond that point. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday June 30, 2004 I had two goals for this week, being two weeks post-op...one was to match the single longest distance I had completed before surgery--ten miles. It was hot and humid today, and as I entered the first mile, the heat was all-consuming. At two miles, I considered coming inside--but reminded myself that the heat will be my nemesis in DC. I continued on, thankful for the very infrequent breeze. By mile 9, I was weary from the heat, and eager to complete the final distance. I walked on, and met the ten mile mark. Goal one was met. I waked ten miles. Again my body has not let me down. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday June 29, 2004 No stiffness from yesterday's walk. The soreness under my arm continues to decrease and I have almost 100% range of motion with my arm. My chest still feels tight, as I force myself to stand straight and pull my shoulders back. Two weeks ago today, I had my surgery and I feel great! Thank you God, for another day. Monday June 28, 2004 I had my follow-up with the surgeon today. The pathology is now complete, and ALL CLEAR. My cancer is still in remission. Dr. Claustro replaced my steri-strips, the ace bandage is gone, and I am FREE. He said I am healing well, and I don't have to go back for six months. To celebrate, I walked---eight miles. I did not feel weak or tired, only a slight hot spot on one foot. Thank you God, for THIS day. Sunday June 27, 2004 My only opportunity to walk today would have been in the afternoon, between Church services. It was very hot, and I knew there was no chance of me tolerating the heat while still being bandaged. At exactly 5:07pm I hit my tolerance level for the ace bandage. The slow continual movement on my skin for twelve days had made my skin, in some areas, extremely hyper-sensitive. Parts of my body hurt to the touch. I have removed the bandage to give my skin a chance to breathe. There doesn't seem to be fluid accumulating at this point, and I believe that my surgeon would have let me out of the bandage on Friday, had he been in town. Tomorrow is his first day back after being away for a week. I am scheduled to see him at 1:45, at which point I hope to have the remaining pathology results and be set free. At least my walking totals are back on the increase. (week ending dates 6/6- 31.5; 6/13- 3 miles; 6/20- 0 miles) Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 6 miles Saturday June 26, 2004 Time to hit the pavement again. I hoped for a minimum of two miles and would have been happy with three. Initially, my only focus was on the humidity and how constricted I felt in the bandage wrapping my body, covering my entire upper torso. By 1.5 miles, I thought I wouldn't be able to go much farther because I couldn't seem to get my breath. Finally, there was a bit of breeze and I forced myself to ignore the tightness of the bandage. I ended up walking five miles, and my body didn't let me down. I had only walked one mile in the last fourteen days, and a total of four miles in the last TWENTY days. I feel five miles is very good distance, to start back again. Thank you God, for another day. Friday June 25, 2004 My range of motion with the right arm is improving every day, and the soreness from where the drain was located is all but gone. I do have random tingling sensations from the healing itself, which is to be expected. This ace bandage is starting to irritate my skin. I've worn it twenty-four hours a day, and today is day ten (and at this point, yes, I'm counting). Monday can't come fast enough to be free from it's constraints. Tomorrow I plan to get back outside walking. I'm looking forward to breathing in that air, and enjoying the solitude of a nice walk. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday June 24, 2004 Hannah, my sweet little girl, is three years old today. It's hard to believe the time has passed so quickly. Sweet innocent one, she has no idea that her life is a miracle. Little does she know how much we have shared together. "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."Thank you God, for giving me this special gift, one which I never deserved. Wednesday June 23, 2004 I was scheduled for a 3pm return visit to the doctor today. This experience was a polar opposite from two days ago. I was put into a room just minutes before my appointment, and everything went smoothly. After seeing that the fluid amounts had again decreased, he agreed that the drain could be removed. There were several stitches to be removed, and then he pulled the tube itself. I have to remain bound in the ace bandage until Monday, when I return to the surgeon. By then, it will be two weeks post op, and I hope he will allow me to free myself from the wrap. This evening a slow ache is settling into my chest from having the drain tube removed. The area under my arm where the tube was sewn in is quite tender. I'm sure by tomorrow that will be gone. Another step forward. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday June 22, 2004 Throughout the journey I have taken with this illness, I have encountered so many people, men and women alike, who envision a mastectomy as a surgery that mutilates the body. I have given a lot of thought about this, and have made a decision to "come out" so to speak, with my body. In doing so, I hope it will calm the fears that many people have. For those that have seen the scars, the response is one of surprise. It isn't "as bad" as they thought. I am most certain that the image the mind creates is often worse than reality. For me, reconstruction was never a consideration. A disease left me scarred. Those scars are here, but I am alive. I accept my body as it is. After two mastectomies and a hysterectomy, I am no less a woman than I was before my illness. I also have to say that I totally support a woman's right to have breast reconstruction. Every individual has a different life situation, and different views or perceptions of what is best for their own body. I do not condemn any woman who wants to retain her breast(s) in some form. My first mastectomy was done in November 2000. I went into surgery as a C cup and was cut from (almost) the center of my chest to my armpit, to remove the left breast. First level lymph nodes were also removed. Because of the cancer, much of the chest muscle was removed, and I am concave on that side. The scar that remains has healed well. (It's interesting that the smaller scar is much "worse". That's where my port-a-cath was located.) Last week, the other mastectomy was completed. This time lymph nodes were not removed. In addition, I am pretty flat and kept more of my chest wall. The surgeon intentionally cut me the same way as previously, so that I would at least have some symmetry. (I appreciate that he thought of that. It hadn't occurred to me.) I have no external stitches, only steri-strips. In sharing this image, I hope that someone will breathe a sigh of relief, and fear of the unknown will no longer be a concern. For my life, these scars are a very small price to pay. Thank you God, for another day. These pictures were taken last night, six days post op: click here to view close up: click here to view Monday June 21, 2004 I awoke at 6:15 feeling quite rested. Throughout the day the area under my arm, where the drain is stitched, has become more sore. I suppose it is a combination of the pull from the weight of the drain as well as the nerves beginning the healing process. The doctor's office called and asked me to come down at 3pm, instead of 3:30, assuring me that I would be taken in. The doctor had a meeting and needed me in early. I arrived at 2:50. 3:00 came and went. 3:30 also passed by. Finally, at 4:00pm, I was called into the office. I had discovered upon arrival that this doctor who was scheduled in place of my surgeon was a Family Practice doctor, so I asked the nurse (with all due respect of course) if the doctor had removed these drains before. She said yes, he had even removed hers. When he came in, he looked at the drain and immediately said he couldn't remove it, because there was still fluid there. I was quite surprised, and showed him the measurements from the previous five days. I had gone down to only 10cc's in a 24 hour period, and there was hardly anything there today from 9pm last night. As he decided to empty the drain, he tugged it toward a trash can, taking me with it. I couldn't believe he had just done that, and I grabbed my side. Quickly the nurse said she'd bring the trash can to him, and I readily agreed. A short mumbled apology and that was over. I mentioned the amount from my last surgery and that I was surprised he wasn't taking it out. He still thought it was not a good idea to remove the tube, and told me to come back on Wednesday. I think he was being overly cautious because he is not a surgeon, and had never seen me as a patient before. Regardless, it was irritating to experience the visit with all of the problems involved, and I left feeling frustrated. Had this news come from my surgeon in a simple "Carolynn, it's still draining too much", I would have readily accepted the decision. I decided that maybe I could walk a bit, just to get out in the air. I did walk one mile, at a 3mph pace, which is a bit slower than normal, but still decent. I was not tired, but I was VERY aware of the drain. I kept holding it up, and trying to keep my arm up so as not to irritate the armpit. The whole episode required too much focus and I realize that I will just have to wait until the drain is gone before I build up my walking again. Even though I feel frustrated about the appointment, I am glad that the walk was simple to do. I needed to remind myself that I still have strength. Thank you God, for another day. Sunday June 20, 2004 Other than the pain where the tube is stitched, I feel really good...normal. I went to Church for both the morning and evening services. We had a cook-out in the afternoon as a combination Father's Day/Mom's Birthday celebration. I don't feel overly tired, even with a full day. If only the drain was out, I think I'd be doing wonderfully well. I'm so glad it comes out tomorrow. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL- 0 miles Saturday June 19, 2004 I did a bit of laundry and work at the desk, just to keep myself moving. I felt very well, but became a little tired by late afternoon. I sat in the recliner with my feet up for about thirty minutes and it was just the rest I needed. Diane took me out for a bit of grocery shopping and to pick up a few things for Father's Day and my Mom's birthday. It was a good day, and I didn't have any anxiety about being out and about. Thank you God, for strength, and another day. Friday June 18, 2004 My range of movement is pretty good with my right arm. I can't put any weight or strain on it, but can move fairly well left to right. I can raise my arm to almost shoulder height. The drain has to be measured nightly, and it is definitely decreasing in volume. This is good news, and I look forward to having the drain removed. Dr. Claustro will be away next week, so he has scheduled another doctor to remove it for me Monday afternoon. I think I am doing very well for three days post-surgery. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday June 17, 2004 The light-headed feeling is now gone. I am terribly bruised from the numerous needle sticks on Tuesday. After checking the incision, there has been no bleeding. I removed the dressing and Frank wrapped me back in the ace bandage. I must be bound tight continually in order to avoid fluid accumulation. I walked over to my parents house for a little while this morning, then back home to rest some. I have taken no pain medicine since the shot the day of surgery. There is some discomfort under my arm where the tube is sewn in, but otherwise I feel fine. Frank took me for a short drive with the girls, just to get out a bit. Thank you God, for another day. Wednesday June 16, 2004 As always, it is impossible to sleep in a hospital at night. The IV pump alarm went off all night--and the feeling of the IV in the jugular made it difficult to move. At last morning came. My blood pressure stayed in the forties all night, but at 6:30am, it finally came back up to my normal level of seventy. Dr. Claustro came by at 7am, and checked my incision. He told me that he tried to make the cut symmetrical with the left side. Although I don't have issues with my scarred body, I appreciated that he thought to do that for me. The scars will now be mirror images on each side. (They start at almost the center of my chest, and run across to my armpit, at a slight upward angle) All of the surgical tape was removed, and I was re-wrapped tightly in a large ace bandage. Everything looked good and he told me I could be released. After an hour or so, the nurse removed my IV and I was able to remove the compression hose and put my regular clothing back on. That in itself made me feel better. Dr. Stefanini also came by. By eleven o'clock, I was walking in my front door. I was extremely light-headed, but otherwise, I felt pretty good. I napped for about an hour and then started moving around the house a bit. I tried to lay flat on the bed, but with the drain on my side, it was difficult to move. I decided to sleep in the recliner, beside an open window, to enjoy a nice breeze. Thank you God, for giving me life. Tuesday June 15, 2004 We arrived at the hospital and checked in. I was then told my surgery wasn't scheduled until 10:20am, not 8am. They wanted me early to do a needle location on the lesion first. After three people made five attempts to start an IV, another doctor was called into the room. I have bad veins, and this is always a big ordeal. He found a vein and minutes after I was hooked up to an IV the nurse decided it would be easier for the radiologist/physician to do the needle WITHOUT an IV present. She left the needle in, and unhooked me. I was taken downstairs around 7:30am. Just before they started the procedure, they said someone was at the door. It was my brother Dean. He wanted to see me and give me a kiss before surgery. He had driven in from North Carolina the night before. Dr. Halo used the ultrasound machine and located the growth. She took a needle and wire and marked the area so that Dr. Claustro would know exactly what spot required the immediate results. From there I went into a holding area to await surgery. It wasn't long before they were ready for me and the anesthesiologist came in. She is the surgeon's wife and was also present for my first surgery. We talked about the past, and she said that my case had been the "talk of the town", and that her husband was so worried he did not sleep the night before. I appreciated her sharing that with me. It felt good to know that people still CARE. It was time to go into the operating room, when it was discovered that my IV wasn't working. When it was all said and done, I was stuck by six people, nine times. My veins were blown out on my arms, wrists, hands, and even feet. Finally Dr. Claustro came in and decided just to put the IV in my NECK. It was exactly 10am when I was pushed into the operating room. I remember them asking me if I was sleepy and I said no. I heard them say, "You will be" and the next thing I heard was the sound of them calling my name, to wake me up in recovery. I was aware of a dull pain in my chest that went through to the shoulder blade. I was immediately sick to my stomach and fading in and out of sleep. It wasn't long before I saw the blurry faces of my family, and I was taken to a room. My brain was alert and I could hear everything that was being said around me. With the anesthesia still in my system, I could not, however, make myself utter a word. I remember my grandmother telling me she loved me, and I could hear that she was crying. My dad leaned close, and asked if I had spoken to the doctor. I slowly shook my head no. "Do you want to know the results?" With a struggle, I slowly mumbled "All clear". My Dad smiled and said "Benign, Carolynn, all clear". I struggled to speak again, "Thank the Lord" I was given a pain shot at 3pm, and dozed on and off. My blood pressure dropped to the forties and the nurses increased the fluids entering my body. I was able to get up from bed that afternoon, and required no other pain medication. The nurses were a bit surprised that I was getting around as well as I was. Dr. Stefanini came by to see me in the evening, and I was glad to see him, as always. Thank you Lord, for allowing me to hear the words I had prayed for, and thank you God, for another day. Monday June 14, 2004 I have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:30am. At seven o'clock, I'll be taken to mammography where they will mark exactly where the growth is located. I am scheduled to be in the operating room by 8:00am. By this time tomorrow, it will all be behind me. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."-Joshua 1:9 Thank you God, for another day. Sunday June 13, 2004 In marking my calendar today, I have to admit that my weekly total of 3 miles (knowing I did 31.5 last week) is disheartening. I know there were issues to be dealt with and a hectic schedule. I look forward to being on the other side of surgery, so that I can get out and build myself back up. My physical well-being is my priority, and I can't let the training schedule make me feel as though I am falling behind. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 3 miles Saturday June 12, 2004 Last night I talked to Lois on the phone. She and Theresa are walking in DC in addition to Chicago! I am very excited that they have taken on this additional commitment and appreciate the local support we'll have! I've been so busy with medical issues and trying to make sure that everything pending is settled, before I go into surgery. I didn't walk at all this week, which made me feel sluggish. Today I made it about three miles before a storm rolled in and flood alerts were issued. Thank you God, for another day of life. Friday June 11, 2004 "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." -Ronald Reagan Rest in peace, Mr. President. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday June 10, 2004 Oh the innocence of a child. Abigail, now six, was only two and a half when I was diagnosed. I have never hidden my body from her, and all she knew about a woman's body was what mommy looked like. A few days ago, she saw my mother undress, and was surprised to learn that women have two breasts. I talked to her briefly today. We looked at my body and I asked her if she remembered that one time mommy had cancer. (After I was well, we started using the word some, so that it would not be foreign, or scary to her) Yes, she remembered. I told her that on Tuesday, I had to have another surgery and then I would not have "this one" anymore. There was no need to discuss all of the possibilities, and I left the reason at "Because mommy was sick, they have to fix it". She was okay with that answer and after a few brief questions, she was off to play. The innocence of a child. Thank you God, for another day, a day of awakening and feeling good that a plan is in place. Wednesday June 9, 2004 I finally got in to see the surgeon today--they called and had me come later because he was held up in surgery.I have surgery on Tuesday, June 15. On Monday they will call and tell me what time I am scheduled and when to be there.At a minimum, I will have the mastectomy. He is going to do a biopsy on the growth itself and send for a frozen...and he will know right away if it is cancer. If it is not, he will proceed with the mastectomy. If it IS cancer, he will do the mastectomy but also take the first level of lymph nodes. That way he'll be able to do pathology and see how far it may have spread.I did ask his opinion on the films and he could only say "suspicious". Basically, I'm getting exactly what I hoped for...a mastectomy and immediate results. If the growth is negative, I will still have to wait for the final pathology to ensure there is no cancer at all in the breast, but there would be a good chance if it isn't in the biopsied tissue, it isn't anywhere else in the breast. Thank you God, for continuing peace and the gift of another day. Tuesday June 8, 2004 Tomorrow is the appointment with the surgeon. I just want to be there, in that office, and walk away knowing that there is a plan in place. I've been given reports, results, and possibilities. I want to take action, I am ready. Thank you God, for another day. Monday June 7, 2004 "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Thank you God, for another day. Sunday June 6, 2004 Walked outside today, but only 3.5 miles. The heat/humidity was high, and I was just TIRED. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 31.5 miles Saturday June 5, 2004 Ten miles today, the first few of which were in a light rain...a mist really. This distance is not a problem for me anymore. The only soreness I continue to have is with my feet. The skin gets tender, and the sides of my arches get sore. Friday June 4, 2004 Temperatures have dropped and it was a rainy dreary day. I managed six miles outside without getting rained on. I spoke with Dr. Stefanini today. The final ultrasound report came back, and there are indicators that the cancer may have returned. I am a 4 on a scale of 5, with 5 being most probable malignancy. The undefined margins of this growth are also suspicious. The news is of concern, of course. I won't know anything until the pathology is complete. The surgeon's appointment is Wednesday, and that's his first day back from funeral leave. I cannot hurry things along any faster. I still do not expect to hear that this is, indeed, cancer. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday June 3, 2004 "Changing directions in life is not tragic; losing passion in life is." -Max Lucado Although it was a "no walking" day, I went ahead and made up the 2.5 miles I lost on Monday. The sun was so hot today, I was glad for the few moments of shade I passed through. No word from my insurance company about the surgery. I am ready to see the surgeon on Wednesday and move through the next process. Thank you God, for continuing peace, and for giving me another day. Wednesday June 2, 2004 I took a six mile walk today. As time passes, my definition of what a "short" distance means has grown. My confidence in my body and its abilities has surely grown. Thank you God, for another day. Tuesday June 1, 2004 It was a very hectic day today, so I just walked a quick 3.5 miles today. "Just still the thoughts in your mind. It is good to do this in the midst of disturbance." Thank you God, for peace and for another day. Monday May 31, 2004 Abigail is six today. The time has passed so very quickly. With every day that passes, my love for her grows...I find myself lost in those dark brown eyes. Oh, how I love her so... Today's entry is a bit long, as I must backtrack a few days. I needed some time to talk to my family and other loved ones, before writing out the events of the past few weeks, and most especially the past few days. What a difference a week makes. I had a mammogram in September, which resulted in "fibrocystic changes". These "changes" have been noted for more than a year. The fibrocystic disease is common in women, and nothing to cause concern in general. Then I had my scans three weeks ago, and asked Dr. Stefanini whether I should really have ultrasounds on the breast instead. (I have them done in another facility) He thought I was already having ultrasounds. If the breast tissue is always changing, then as a former cancer patient, I need to be more pro active. I immediately scheduled a mammogram AND ultrasound for this past Monday.At some point between the scans and these tests, I felt something that I can only describe as a whisper from God. Something told me to take a hard look at my history: ~37, young age for breast cancer. ~Pregnant with breast cancer BUT the cancer was HR NEGATIVE, meaning not a hormone related cancer. ~Less than a year after treatment, I had dysfunctional bleeding, and TWO endometrial biopsies, that lead to a hysterectomy. Interesting that I had another gynecologic issue, when my cancer was HR negative. ~Dr. Stefanini says I am high risk for recurrence and predisposed to cancer. ~Breast tissue constantly and quickly changing. When you add these things up, logically and rationally, it seems that I should proceed to a prophylactic mastectomy. The breast tissue is constantly changing and that isn't a good sign for ME. This decision is not based on FEAR. I have no fear and it has not motivated me to arrive at this conclusion. I believe that cancer will not visit me again. I also believe in taking the proper steps to ensure my health, and NOT ignoring what is happening in my body. On Monday, I went and had the mammogram and ultrasound. I also had my pap (which came back normal) and spoke with Dr. Mullins. He agreed with my thought process, and recommended that my surgeon (Dr. Claustro) pursue insurance approval for the mastectomy. I immediately made an appointment with him, to have him read my ultrasound on Thursday and discuss my options. On Wednesday, I received a phone call that there was a death in Dr. Claustro's family and my appt. was rescheduled for June 9, the first day he is back in the office. On Thursday, my mammography report arrived in the mail. It showed more fibrocystic changes as I expected. In addition, there was a 1 cm nodule that was picked up, "probably benign". I called Dr. Stefanini, who also recommended the surgery and he asked that I bring him the reports. The ultrasound results would be ready that day as well, so I called medical records and had them make copies of both the mammography and ultrasound from Monday. Friday came and I drove and picked up those reports. This was the first time I saw the ultrasound results. It also picked up a nodularity, but 1.5 X 1.4 X .4cm. Whatever it is, wasn't there in September--or wasn't picked up. It is now of a size that would cause some concern. Dr. Stef read the reports and immediately went to speak with a female physician and radiologist. She agreed that I should proceed with the surgery. In light of the discovery of this growth, she also wanted to do another mammogram and ultrasound immediately. (This is at the hospital, not the clinic where I generally have gyn check ups etc)I had the mammo, and they took extra views. Next, a technician did the ultrasound. She told me the doctor would also be coming in to do the scan herself. When she did, I felt her fingers inspecting an area, in addition to the ultrasound scan. I was sent upstairs, and Dr. Stefanini said that I do have a growth that the Dr. easily felt with her hands. According to the scan that she did, it is at least 1.5 cm, with no clearly defined edges. That means they cannot rule out malignancy. For that reason alone, I would have a need for an immediate biopsy. Dr. Stefanini composed a letter immediately to my insurance company to approve the mastectomy and take everything. Not doing so could cause me problems. Everyone seems to think that insurance will approve this, and we should know by the end of this coming week. The following Wednesday, I meet with the surgeon. At that point, I hope to have insurance approval and schedule a surgery date. Initially, when I was considering this option, I thought I would have it this fall, after the walk. With yesterday's news of a suspicious growth, that will no longer be an option. I will have surgery as soon as it can be scheduled. Recovery time should be minimal and I do not believe this will hinder my 3Day walk in August. Of course, the pathology will be done on all tissue, including this nodularity. I fully expect it will be benign. If it is not, I will deal with those issues at that time. I have assurance of one thing..I have a strong faith in God. I am strong enough to deal with whatever the outcome will be. In my heart of hearts, I am calm. I BELIEVE. After 2 1/2 years,why did I suddenly feel the need to pursue this? I can only say that it had to be a whisper from God. He gently pushed my thoughts in that direction and now with the knowledge that there is a growth there, I see why. AGAIN, God has taken care of me. Thank you God, for your continual presence in my life. You have blessed me far more than I deserve. Sometimes that in itself is overwhelming. Sunday May 30, 2004 Hannah started running a fever just like Abigail, so today they both went to the doctor. We'll find out tomorrow if they have strep. I only walked three days this week, but with two ten mile walks, I feel good. Thank you God, for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 25 miles Saturday May 29, 2004 I am walking anywhere from three to five days a week. My concentration is on increasing distance on single walks, rather than increasing the number of days per week. I decided to walk another ten miles today. This was the first time I have walked two ten milers on back to back days. I am slightly sore tonight, but I do not feel like I have walked twenty miles in two days. Thank you God, for physical strength. Friday May 28, 2004 "When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is itself a choice." Walked ten miles today, with low humidity, it was not a difficult distance. Thank you God, for another day. Thursday May 27, 2004 No walking. Abigail had to be picked up from school today, she had a stomach virus, and high fever. Tonight she seems to be pulling out of it. Thank you God, for taking care of my baby girl. Wednesday May 26, 2004 Flooding and hail all around us. The weather is so very strange lately. Thank you God for keeping my family safe. Tuesday May 25, 2004 I find myself becoming busier with each passing day. If time could just stand still, at will, to give us all a chance to breathe. My heart and mind desire a simple life, but I also have passions and goals to achieve so many things. I walked five miles today, three of them in the rain. It felt so good to be out in it, a nice relief from the humidity and heat. Thank you God, for the rain. Monday May 24, 2004 I had my mammogram and ultrasound today--the technician was very thorough with the ultrasound. I'll have the results on Thursday. This was the annual follow-up I scheduled after my scans. Thank you God for another day. Sunday May 23, 2004 I walked five miles today and the humidity was terrible. At times it felt like there was simply no air to breathe into my body. Although uncomfortable, I didn't feel light-headed or physically ill. I AM glad I switched training weeks and this wasn't a high mileage day. Thank you God for another day. WEEKLY TOTAL: 13 miles Saturday May 22, 2004 The 3Day newsletter came today, and I was excited to see my story featured on the outside. Thank you God for opportunities You give. Friday May 21, 2004 My eighth wedding anniversary is today. "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." Thank you God for another year with my husband. Thursday May 20, 2004 The temperatures are soaring again. Tomorrow's forecast is 80-88 degrees. The humidity is high. Since I had to walk in the day time today, which means Frank was not here, there was no choice but to stay inside on the treadmill. Six miles completed. Although I worked up a good sweat, my hips are not sore at all. Thank you God for the strength you give me every day. Wednesday May 19, 2004 I've flipped a week on my training schedule for two reasons--we have Church every night this week, which decreases the time I have available to walk, and also I need to slowly try out these new shoes. Two miles on the treadmill today. Thank you God for another day. Tuesday May 18, 2004 Although it was an hour and a half away, I did visit a store that actually does an analysis for ensuring the correct purchase of shoes. My feet have still been bothering me, so I am hoping that it is not an injury, but rather the need for a different shoe. I settled on a style that was recommended, now time will tell if it is a success. It was a full day and Revival is this week as well. Thankfully, these days I am able to tolerate a busy day of running. Thank you God, for another day. Monday May 17, 2004 For you, Carter...a stranger to you, I've witnessed your fight with a terrible illness for several months now. You are an amazing family, and your parents faith in God is an inspiration to all. Your mother closes her journal entries with a comment that has touched my very soul. It's something that I do daily, but to see the words in written form sends a stronger message. For you Carter, and for all those that BELIEVE... "Thank you God, for another day". click here for Carter's page Sunday May 16, 2004 We had a bit of rain around noon, then it became very humid. I only had to walk four miles today, and although the air was heavy, I didn't have any real difficulties. It was a milestone day, as I crossed my 200th training mile this afternoon. I started training in February, and only walked one mile that first week. I walked 24.5 miles the entire MONTH and am happy to say I walked more than that this WEEK. From the outside looking in, I wonder if people understand what this really feels like. We tend to take things for granted, but when an illness takes away so much, your perspectives change. I am constantly amazed that I can really walk that far. I still smile when I walk up a few stairs and I'm not out of breath. In some ways I feel like a child, learning something new. In other ways, it feels like I have been given a second miracle. Thank you God. WEEKLY TOTAL: 27 miles Saturday May 15, 2004 An eight mile day today. It was fairly humid and I was a bit tired at the end of the walk. My heat tolerance has improved a great deal already. My hips ached somewhat, but within an hour of completion, I had no problems at all, with the exception of sore arches. I am going to a specialty store on Tuesday to see if I may have a problem with my shoes. At about the time I switched shoes, I started having foot problems. It was also about the same time the distances increased, so I don't know if this is an injury or can be simply remedied with a different shoe. Friday May 14, 2004 Thankfully, the weather has been holding and I am continuing to walk outside. Five miles today, and thinking about walking that far doesn't seem like a big deal at all. The first week of February, I walked one mile on the treadmill...and that was plenty. Thursday May 13, 2004 Four miles today, outside. I've been waiting for Frank to get home from work, then walk outside. It really throws off any dinner schedule we may have, but I know no other way to get my training in. When I returned, he was cooking out for us. Abigail walked "the square" with me again, something that she really looks forward to now. Wednesday May 12, 2004 "Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Tuesday May 11, 2004 Record high temperatures again. By coincidence. no walking scheduled for today. Monday May 10, 2004 Six miles today. It's funny how perspective can change, I didn't worry for a minute that this was a six mile walk. I actually walked a bit farther, as I do on every walk, just to make sure I covered the full distance. Training is truly a sacrifice, not only physically, but of sheer TIME. I asked Abigail a few days ago if she wanted to walk the last bit with me (just over a half mile) and she said yes. Now she is excited and wants to walk with Mommy EVERY time, but only that last "square". Even as slow as that last half mile is, and the amount of time it takes-- I wouldn't trade it for anything. I hold that sweet little girls hand and she chatters away as "just the two of us" do "the square". As she gets older, I see so many qualities of myself in her at this young age. My heart is full of love for her as we walk those steps together. Sunday May 9, 2004 "The world is full of women blind sided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous." Anna Quindlen WEEKLY TOTAL: 20 miles Saturday May 8, 2004 Record high temperatures, in the mid to high eighties. I waited until 4pm to start walking, although the sun was still very hot. I made sure to use the neck cooler and drink plenty of water/gatorade. TEN MILES today! I wanted to simulate the actual walk experience as close as possible, rather than break the day up into two walks. I only stopped for drink refills and one quick trip to the bathroom. My feet and hips were a bit sore, but I was able to tolerate the heat, which was a major concern. Other than the walk two years ago, this is the first time I have ever walked ten straight miles. TODAY is a great day! Friday May 7, 2004 My foot was a little tender this morning. Five more miles this evening, with little discomfort. It was hot today, and the air was a stark contrast to yesterday's nice breeze. I've changed my route somewhat, and the honeysuckle is now in full bloom along the way. The soft scent is wonderful, it brings back childhood memories of a little Avon honeysuckle fragrance that was my very favorite. Thursday May 6, 2004 I talked to Dr. Stefanini today, and my CT chest, abdominal, and pelvic scans were cancer free, as was my bone scan. I expected nothing less. I am still waiting on my blood work and cancer marker results. Headed outside for five miles this evening. No pain in my right foot! The sun was still shining bright, but there was a wonderful breeze, and the air wasn't heavy. At times like that, I feel like I could just keep on walking. Wednesday May 5, 2004 Today should have been a walking day, but my foot still has a bit of soreness. I will definitely walk tomorrow, even if for a short distance, to get back on track. Tuesday May 4, 2004 Scans and blood work today. This is the first time I have gone a full year, I used to have them done every six months. No results today, but Dr. Stefanini did a thorough exam, and feels I am no longer showing after effects of chemotherapy. That's far removed from where I was last year. It appears I have a bit of arthritis now, but he hasn't seen the bone scan yet to know for sure. They did take three extra views that aren't normally done. I'm developing vertigo, but it will be monitored before going on any medications. I feel positive the scans will be clear. Dr. Stefanini was very pleased with my apparent good health. There still doesn't seem to be a good solution for my inability to sleep. Sometimes I think I would give my right arm just to sleep for one night, solid. Monday May 3, 2004 "When the dog is chasing you, turn around and whistle for it." - Henry David Thoreau Sunday May 2, 2004 Taking the day off to give my foot a rest. WEEKLY TOTAL: 20 miles Saturday May 1, 2004 My first eight miler today. Frank gets off work at 4pm on Saturdays, so I decided to wait until he was home, then I could walk outside. I didn't have any problems with feeling overly tired, just a nagging pain in the top of my foot that started a couple of days ago. Friday April 30, 2004 Four is the magic number for this week...until tomorrow. On the treadmill again today, four miles. I spoke to Dione this evening and she is walking Chicago! This is such exciting news, I am very happy to have her on board with us! Thursday April 29, 2004 Another four miles on the treadmill! Wednesday April 28, 2004 Frost last night! Four miles inside, on the treadmill. Tuesday April 27, 2004 No walking today. Catching up after a couple of days away. Monday April 26, 2004 "Peace isn't the absence of trouble--it's the presence of God." Sunday April 25, 2004 Went to Roanoke after Church for a quick overnight with Frank. I needed to walk three miles, so he measured the distance and walked with me outside one of the malls. His pace was a bit quicker than mine, and I pushed to stay right with him. We had a good time as we talked and laughed together. WEEKLY TOTAL: 19 miles Saturday April 24, 2004 Six miles today. This was not my first six miler, but it was the first one completely outside and IN THE HEAT. It was eighty degrees when I headed out. I chose a different route, that added some incline, to give myself a varying workout. It took me by my house twice, so that I could run inside, grab another bottle of water, and keep going. Before I left, I soaked the neck cooler that my brother Dean had bought for me (and for all of the crew). I grabbed a bottle of water, put the cooler on and headed out. I drank plenty of water (1.5L) but kept my normal pace. At times the sun was really beating down, and I felt weary. The cooler made a big difference. It also gave me emotional security. I could reach up and feel it, and think about my brother being with me. As I walked, I recalled the day I asked him if he would shave his head when I did. I can still hear his voice on the phone, as he readily agreed. I can also remember that little blond crew cut when we were both just children. Those are fond memories for me, and I felt a sense of peace as I continued walking. The air was heavy, but at mile five, I finally had a breeze. Although tired, I made the six miles, all outside. Friday April 23, 2004 Three miles, inside again. Thursday April 22, 2004 Three more miles on the treadmill today. Unless Frank is off, it is almost impossible to do weekday walking outside. Wednesday April 21, 2004 "Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow." Plato Tuesday April 20, 2004 Four miles outside today. In two weeks I walk my first ten miler. From there on out the weekend mileage increases steadily. Monday April 19, 2004 "The purpose of life is a life of purpose." -Robert Byrne Sunday April 18, 2004 Five miles today, but on the treadmill. Frank had to run an errand this afternoon, and I had Abigail with me. WEEKLY TOTAL: 17.5 miles Saturday April 17, 2004 I only had to walk three miles today. The timing was good, because this was also the first time I had to walk outside in HEAT. My nemesis, heat...I must now confront the issue. I don't tolerate it well, to the point that I quickly become nauseous. Generally I am not outside for more than five minutes in direct heat. I sense the heaviness of the air, and it feels like I simply can't get enough air in my lungs. I have no choice but to try and build a tolerance. During today's walk, there were moments when I had that familiar sensation. I did make the three mile mark, but was glad to find the shade on my back deck where I could just enjoy the breeze. It's not overly hot by most people's standards, but I'll definitely use the neck cooler on my next walk. Friday April 16, 2004 I've still not settled into a really good strength training program. This seems to be the toughest part to work into my schedule, but one I must commit to doing. Thursday April 15, 2004 Four miles today and back on track with my walking schedule! Wednesday April 14, 2004 SNOW all day! Not scheduled to walk, but picked up a quick 1.5 miles that I lost two weeks ago. This brings my total training distance back to where I would have been to date. Tuesday April 13, 2004 I've adjusted the training weeks to compensate for last week's drop in mileage. Frank was off today, so I did four miles on the treadmill, while it rained and hailed outside! Monday April 12, 2004 Abigail is now running a fever. No walking today. Sunday April 11, 2004 Easter Sunday...a time to reflect. WEEKLY TOTAL: 9 miles Saturday April 10, 2004 Easter weekend, and a busy family schedule. No walking planned for today or tomorrow. Friday April 9, 2004 Walked 3.75 miles today, outside. It was a beautiful day, with just a bit of a breeze. Found a great quote today: "Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted." Thursday April 8, 2004 Did a quick 1.25 miles on treadmill, just to get a little movement. This is actually good for me, as it forces me to accept that I cannot always adhere to a schedule. Wednesday April 7, 2004 Hannah's illness has obviously taken priority over training this week. I'm flipping my training schedule a bit this week and next, to adjust. The first set of test results came back, and there was positive confirmation of a serious germ in the blood. Thankfully, we also received Monday's results. Her blood work was clear. Yes, God, you touched her. Tuesday April 6, 2004 Four miles outside today, Frank was home. No results on the blood work yet. Hannah is improving, and in my heart, I know she is going to be fine. Monday April 5, 2004 A call from the emergency room physician prompted a visit to Hannah's pediatrician. The lab work had picked up an unidentified germ in her blood. We won't know more until tomorrow, but he recommended I take her to her doctor for additional testing. The pediatrician drew new samples and will be running the same tests again. On Wednesday, we return for the results. Tonight, at last, her skin feels cool. I feel confident that her test results will return with no major issues. Thank you God for touching my baby girl. Sunday April 4, 2004 Six miles today, all on the treadmill. Rain and Snow fell all day, and I was forced to walk indoors. WEEKLY TOTAL: 12 miles Saturday April 3, 2004 We had to make a trip to the emergency room last night with Hannah. She suddenly developed a high fever. She was sent home with ibuprofen and Tylenol, and the assumption it was a virus. Throughout the day, she seemed to get worse. Back to a different emergency room tonight, with a temp. of 104+. This time plenty of tests were run, and I feel confident that she was examined thoroughly. Chest xray clear, test for strep clear. We're still waiting for additional blood work results, but it appears she has a UTI. Her fever has dropped some, and at 12:30, she is now asleep. Friday April 2, 2004 Snowing outside as I walk on the treadmill. Three miles today. I am hoping for a quick change in weather tomorrow. I am scheduled for six miles! Thursday April 1, 2004 The weather has taken a turn for the worse, with sleet and snow. Bring Spring back, please. Wednesday March 31, 2004 "Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength." Tuesday March 30, 2004 3 miles outside today. It feels good to look at my chart and think "only" three miles, as though it is an easy, short distance, which it has become. Monday March 29, 2004 Temperatures are dropping again, and this week looks like rain/sleet every day. At this point, I am ready for spring. This morning was nice and as I walked outside the cool breeze on my skin was refreshing. At moments like that I truly thank God for my life. Sunday March 28, 2004 It is difficult not to make some attempt to make up the 3.5 miles lost from yesterday. Scheduled for three, I decided to walk a five miler. I walked that distance last week with no problems. Although I wanted to walk farther, I know my lesson to learn here is flexibility in training. WEEKLY TOTAL: 13.5 miles Saturday March 27, 2004 Scheduled for four miles today. Three times I attempted to get on the treadmill, walked seconds, but was called away by the girls. After walking only half of a mile on attempt four, I was called away again. Making my way back a fifth time, I hit my shin on the corner of a table. Today, it just wasn't meant to be. Friday March 26, 2004 Two days in a row that I was not charted to walk. I've been working on flexibility and really trying to stretch my upper body, since I can't work out my left side since surgery. Thursday March 25, 2004 The temperature was back up today, and I worked outside to clear the dead growth from the flower beds. It felt great to bend over and not feel lighted or grow weary. Wednesday March 24, 2004 Another four miles on the treadmill. It was a little too chilly to walk outside. I had to briefly stop at three miles to tend to the girls, so I did the last mile at 4mph, to get my heart rate back up. Tuesday March 23, 2004 A day spent in solitude. Frank & the girls went to visit his sister, and I had the house to myself. Sometimes, silence is good for the soul. Monday March 22, 2004 Still VERY cold here. Four miles on the treadmill, window open and 20 degrees. "What is the most miraculous of all miracles? That I sit quietly by myself"--Zen Mondo Sunday March 21, 2004 Snow and bitter cold today. Yesterday I was walking through town in a tshirt. I did three miles on the treadmill today at a 3.7mph pace. WEEKLY TOTAL: 16 miles Saturday March 20, 2004 Five miles today. My first. I drove into town and measured off the distance, a bit surprised at how far I would be walking. The previous four miles on the treadmill didn't "feel that far". I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way. The temperature could not have been more perfect. As I covered more and more of the distance, I felt stronger, both in mind and body. At times I felt myself in awe over my ability. I did it. I didn't feel faint, I didn't grow overly weary. At home tonight, I look at a journal entry from less than a year ago. "One block...if I walk slowly, I think I can do it. It still looks very far away to me. " My heart leaps for joy at my progress, this is truly a milestone day. Friday March 19, 2004 Spent some time with my parents and brothers today, two of them were in for a quick visit. Every time I see their faces I realize how very much I love them. When I left, I jogged home. It was a short distance, but when I arrived at my steps, I was not out of breath, I was not tired. I have no memory of being able to do this. Small to others, BIG to me. Thursday March 18, 2004 Another four miles today. This is the first time I've walked two four-milers back to back. Walked most of it at 3.5mph, and the last half mile at 4mph. For the most part, I will continue to pace myself around 3-3.5mph. It seems to be the standard for distance walking. Wednesday March 17, 2004 Yesterday's distance wasn't my normal route, so I am unsure if I made my mark or not. This is when the obsessive side of me takes over. I did four miles on the treadmill today, but will walk again tomorrow and not even count yesterday in my weekly total. Today's pace was 3.7 mph. Tuesday March 16, 2004 It was a rainy cool day, but I still did part of my walking outside, so I didn't have to do all four on the treadmill. I hope the weather finally breaks, so I can consistently walk outside. Monday March 15, 2004 This is the first day I have had to accept that I may not always be able to follow the training schedule EXACTLY as it dictates. I was supposed to walk four miles, but a few unexpected errands really blew my plan apart. Sunday March 14, 2004 A day off today, no exercise. No guilt either. Weekly Total: 11 miles Saturday March 13, 2004 Fifty degrees today and I was able to walk outdoors, three miles. What a nice change of scenery from the monotony of the treadmill. I love walking outdoors, where I can be alone with my thoughts. The schedule only dictated three miles today, although I could have kept on walking. I like the design of this plan and it's philosophy for distance training, so I will stick to it as closely as possible. Friday March 12, 2004 An exciting day! Carolynn's Crew walkers were combined into one team and we are now the number one fund raiser, out of over 1000 teams registered. I am so proud of everyone's efforts! Within ten minutes of our visibility as number one, I received a touching email from someone who had followed the link to my story. I am totally at peace today. Thursday March 11, 2004 Four miles on the treadmill today, 3.3 mph. Even though it was forty degrees outside, I had the window open. Wednesday March 10, 2004 Snow covering the ground today! The weather has been so erratic, but at last I long for Spring. Tuesday March 9, 2004 DISCIPLINE IS DOING. At times, this will become my mantra. Today was one of those days. I was feeling a bit run down today, and with Hannah sick, I had to MAKE myself get on the treadmill. Rather than the 3mph pace I walked my last 4 miler, I increased it to 3.3mph. At points it seemed tiring, but I completed the distance. For that, I am pleased. Monday March 8, 2004 The training schedule shifts this week, so no walking today. I do two 4 mile walks this week and one 3 mile distance. Hannah still sick. Sunday March 7, 2004 Hannah has a bad head cold today, so my time has been spent with her. Surprisingly, I have lost another pound. I expected to maintain or even gain, once I started building muscle. I'm not complaining though! Weekly Total: 10 miles Saturday March 6, 2004 Another three miles today. As I look back over the last four weeks of training, I am very pleased. From where I was physically last year to this point today, I am like a new person. This is the farthest I have been physically able to walk in TWO YEARS! Friday March 5, 2004 The training schedule dictated 3 miles today, which I did at 3.2mph. This pace still feels quick, but it is now easily tolerable for the three mile distance. Thursday March 4, 2004 Great quote~ "Evils that befall the world are not nearly so often caused by bad men, as they are by good men who are silent when an opinion must be voiced." Wednesday March 3, 2004 Increased my distance to four miles at a 3mph pace. I stayed on the treadmill for 1 hr. 20 minutes. (That's a long time on a treadmill, LOL) It would have been nice to walk this distance outside, but with Hannah here that wasn't possible. My knees felt a little weary, but by evening I had no ill effects. Tuesday March 2, 2004 Spent the day preparing for a ladies meeting at my home tonight. 24 weeks out, I am now in line with the training guidelines, and will go by their suggested plan. That means 4 miles tomorrow. In between, I'll continue strength training. Monday March 1, 2004 March is here, it's hard to believe it. Another nice day outside, spring is in the air! No soreness from yesterday's walk. I thought my ankles may be bothered from the terrain, but I'm fine! Sunday Feb. 29, 2004 The weather was nice, so I took my first walk outside. Three miles, and based on time it was the same pace as on the treadmill. I'm glad, because I included inclines and outside walking is rougher terrain than the treadmill. Weekly Total: 12 miles Saturday Feb. 28, 2004 Frank's employer made a donation today and I have promises from others. Most every walker has worked very hard to raise money for their minimums. I am very proud of the teams! Friday Feb. 27, 2004 Another 3 miles today, at the 3.2 mph pace. Donations are coming in from my friends/family letter. I received a large donation from a friend, whose husband passed away-- it will be two years this April. I can still see Walker's smiling face. What an inspiration he was when I was ill. Thursday Feb. 26, 2004 Strength training continues, I'm adjusting the routine, but it's still not enough. I met my donation minimum today, which takes some pressure off, although I still have several opportunities I want to follow up on. There is no need to stop trying to raise even more money. Wednesday Feb. 25, 2004 Three miles again on the treadmill, increased the speed to 3.2mph. I am finally feeling like my strength really is coming back, after two years. "Winter holds on, preparing us to appreciate Spring." Tuesday Feb. 24, 2004 A bit more strength straining today, but still no soreness. I received a surprise $500 donation from my brother-in-law which was VERY exciting! Monday Feb. 23, 2004 Increased my distance on the treadmill to three miles, and walked 60 minutes. The pace seems quicker here than I was walking outdoors using a measured distance. I even had Frank get on and walk it at 3 and 3.5mph and he thought it was quicker than it should be. Regardless, I'm doing fine with my walking. When we get a break in the weather, I'll move outside. Sunday Feb. 22, 2004 I was given two donations today from my friends/family mailing I did a few days ago. Interesting that the first two were from women who were survivors. Having fought the battle, they understand the urgent need to find a cure. Weekly Total: 7.5 miles Saturday Feb. 21, 2004 The sun was strong again today, and now I begin to look forward to Spring. Hannah and I walked around the yard, looking at the flower beds and trees. I did some strength training, but I definitely need to increase the amount I am currently doing. Friday Feb. 20, 2004 Increased my pace to 3.2mph, and walked 2.5 miles. My muscles no longer get sore. I received a special phone call today that was unexpected. I had written a cancer patient to share my story and he personally called me. It was the highlight of my day. Thursday Feb. 19, 2004 I put t-shirts on the Marketplace today and brought in some money. My thanks to Tabitha for donating these to me. It was great motivation for me, since corporate America has all but shut their doors in my face, LOL. I have 50 letters to my friends and family that will go out tomorrow. My final round of letters will go to local businesses. I did a bit more resistance training, trying to build some muscle strength. So far my body is responding favorably. Wednesday Feb. 18, 2004 2.5 miles again, 50 minutes. I'll push up to 2.75 miles on Monday, and the following week to 3.0. That will put me exactly on course with the Komen training schedule. Tuesday Feb. 17, 2004 Started antibiotics today. Did my resistance workout, and a few crunches. No soreness, now that my body is adjusting. Monday Feb. 16, 2004 Discipline means DOING. Today I didn't want to get on the treadmill. I've been fighting sinus problems for a couple of days and the last thing I wanted to do was exercise. For a few months now, it seems I get every sickness or virus that happens to be going around. I increased the distance today, 2.5 miles, 50 minutes, keeping the 3mph pace for now. Discipline is DOING. Sunday Feb. 15, 2004 Started back with some strength training, did a little work with the ball. Didn't do treadmill today or yesterday, took the weekend off from that, but I actually feel a little guilty. Weekly Total: 7 miles Saturday Feb. 14, 2004 "A poem begins with a lump in the throat" --Robert Frost Friday Feb. 13, 2004 Another day on the treadmill, no problems. I had one of the corporations call me today, requesting additional information so that I could be approved for a donation. I hope this comes through for me. Thursday Feb. 12, 2004 I was barely sore today, so my body is adjusting to the exercise. Feeling positive! Wednesday Feb. 11, 2004 Two miles on the treadmill again, 3mph. It was an easier effort, although my ankles are still a little sore. I could have walked further, but I am not increasing my distance until Monday. Next week I will also add strength training back into my routine, which I have abandoned for about four months. Tuesday Feb. 10, 2004 My legs are a little sore, especially the ankles. It actually feels good to know I have worked my body some. Monday Feb. 9, 2004 Slow and steady wins the race. Two miles on the treadmill at 3mph, the average pace required for distance and endurance. With my cardio strength so low, I'll gradually increase my distance. Based on the training schedule for the three days, I need to be at 3-4 miles by March 1. This should not be a problem. Sunday Feb. 8, 2004 I feel considerably better today. I hit the treadmill for one mile, that was enough for today. Although my weight is now lower than it has been since my early twenties, I still do not feel physically STRONG. Emotionally- my inner strength- I do not doubt, not in the least. I want so much to have that confidence back in my body. Last year's physical crash at about this time reminds me that I AM better. Not where I want to be, but definitely BETTER. Saturday Feb. 7, 2004 Still sick, in bed today. Friday Feb. 6, 2004 Stomach bug is going through the schools, and of course Abigail brought it home. It seems that for the last few months, every illness that has hit the area has hit one or all of our family. This is the sickest I've been in a long time. I feel like I was poisoned. No exercising, no fund raising today! Thursday Feb. 5, 2004 I have received several rejection letters from the large corporations. Many support local causes, and I expected that. Today I received a check from a CEO as a personal contribution rather than corporate. His accompanying note made me feel very positive. Next month I will complete another set of letters, soliciting local businesses. Wednesday Feb. 4, 2004 Hannah was sick today, and required my attention. No treadmill, that's two days in a row. I'm going to have to adjust my schedule for training time. Things are too hectic otherwise. Tuesday Feb. 3, 2004 Spent the day transferring as much information as possible to the new domain. No treadmill today. I had a great quote on my calendar today: The point is to perform every activity, from playing basketball to taking out the garbage, with precise attention, moment by moment. Monday Feb. 2, 2004 I have purchased a new domain, and feel excitement with the potential it brings. I think it clearly identifies the subject matter: www.pinkribbonmiracle.com. I hope I can broaden my fund raising efforts and awareness, and maybe share my personal story with more people. If just one person would BELIEVE that healing can happen in a seemingly impossible situation, then everything is worth it. Sunday Feb. 1, 2004 I always stand amazed at how time slips by. We are now just a bit over six months away from the DC walk. I have been marking out my training routine to prepare myself physically. The first set of fund raising letters have been sent--400 to the top corporations in America. May emotions reveal themselves as I look toward the coming months. HOME

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