2003 AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER JOURNAL

The Next Journey Begins
October 26, 2002
Six months from today Carolynn's Crew will walk again. A second team, Carolynn's Crew West, will walk in the fall. You have shared much with me, and I hope you will remain with me, as I begin a diary of my thoughts, feelings, and training progress. Scroll down to view my journal.

For my complete story of breast cancer during pregnancy, click here
To view other years journals, and return to the main page, click here

~ Carolynn ~

THE JOURNAL
most recent entries at the top

TUESDAY, APRIL 27, 2003 MY FINAL THOUGHTS

TO FRANK:
My soul mate. You are the one person in the world who has the strength for me when I am weak. Since the day you came into my life, you have made me a better person. For the months I was on chemo, I watched you walk in from work, STAND and eat a sandwich for dinner, take care of Abigail, clean the house, put me safely in bed, and keep going. Every morning you got up and did it all again. You have stood by me, unwavering. You are more than my husband, you are my heart.
TO ABIGAIL:
My little Abigail, whose early summers were robbed because mommy was too tried to take you to the park and play outside. To the innocent little girl who still doesn't really know what happened to her mother, and what cancer really is, I pray you never hear the words as your own diagnosis.
TO HANNAH:
Hannah, my miracle baby--little do you know what trauma you endured as I carried you. You shared chemo with me, and gave me strength to go on.
TO KELLE:
My friend, my sister of the heart, a shoulder when I am weak. You have been with me from the beginning, and I thank you. Who knows how and why lives paths cross, but ours was meant to be.
TO CAREN:
Your words echo in my mind-- "WE will walk for you". You made it feel okay that I couldn't walk, you understood. I can't thank you enough for that.
TO MIKE AND JOANIE:
One year ago, you brought a smile to my face as you stepped out and surprised us at the finish line. You said if I walked the next year you'd be right there with me. You made a commitment and you stuck to it. Through job changes and busy schedules, you still held on. You made a sacrifice, and I know it.
TO LAURA:
Your smiling face is enough to cheer anyone. Thank you for taking the time, for caring.
TO PAM:
Your dedication to the cause, your fund raising and determination, your leadership of Carolynn's Crew West is to be admired. Soon, it's your turn to walk.
TO MY INTERNET FRIENDS:
Maybe you didn't walk the walk, but you put your money where your mouth is. I thank you. When I was diagnosed, you were there. When I gave birth to our little miracle baby, you were there. When I've been down, your words have inspired me. As I stood in the ceremonies Sunday, you were there. A more caring group cannot be found.
As I walk away from this experience, I thank God for the miracle that is my life. As I said last year, take a moment to reflect on life. Find what's REALLY important and hold on tight. And as a friend posted not along ago, after suffering her own trials..DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.
I love you all.
SEE YOU IN 2004, as Carolynn's Crew will walk again.
Now... Who's in????

click here to view 2003 DC Walk Pics

click here to view 2003 LA Walk Pics

SUNDAY, APRIL 27, 2003 My original plan was to meet them for the start of today's walk. Knowing now how long it will take, I opt not to do that. Kelle tells me it is best to rest today, and do what I can to walk the final distance this afternoon with the team. The weather is beautiful as we drive to get breakfast. While out, we came across the "holding area" where all the walkers will meet for the final walk to closing ceremonies. Frank let me out and I asked them how far the walk would be, after explaining my situation. She pointed it out, and told me it was one block. One block...if I walk slowly, I think I can do it. It still looks very far away to me. They go ahead and mark my wrist band and give me the shirt to wear for the afternoon. I am also given a pink bandana. She was so kind to me, pointing out where I could rest in the shade, should I feel weary. I told her we would come back at around 3pm, since everyone was to gather at 3:15.
The rest of the day was spent in the hotel. I talked to everyone a few times, and they were pushing on. Soon it was time to dress and go. We all met up in the holding area, and it was good to see all of them. They made it!! I felt so proud of them. As we sat waiting, I saw Kelle look behind me and the look on her face was total surprise. I thought to myself, "she must actually know someone here" as I casually glanced behind me. What a shock! It was Laura Boring and Pam Martin! "Oh my gosh!" How great to see Laura again, and Pam had TRAVELED FROM CALIFORNIA to see this! I was so surprised, I was not believing my eyes! What a great show of support. Laura, for taking time out of a busy schedule, and Pam for coming so far! We were all given pink long stemmed roses, to carry to closing ceremonies.
Soon they were gathering the walkers together, and we planned to meet Pam and Laura after the closing ceremonies. I asked my team if we could walk at the back of the group. I feared they would walk quickly and I would be unable to keep pace. They readily agreed, vowing to do anything, as long as the six of us could walk together. I said a prayer for strength, and we started to move forward.
Once the final distance began, I held hands with Kelle and Frank. I felt my team mates hands on my shoulders, as they walked behind me. We were a team, and that was their show of support. We made our way to the end, moving as one. The closing ceremonies begin, and we learn the purpose of the bandannas. Some have red, some pink, and some white. Those that have red are asked to hold them in the air. That represented the number of people who DIED FROM BREAST CANCER just during the two days of the walk. Every fourteen minutes a life was lost to breast cancer. Next, the pink bandannas were held up. Those represented the number of people that were diagnosed with this horrible disease over two days. SOMEONE IS DIAGNOSED EVERY THREE MINUTES....EVERY THREE MINUTES. Finally, white bandannas were held in the air. White represented hope...hope that one day there would be a cure, one day we wouldn't stand in a group like this. The symbolism was strong, and the reality of how breast cancer affects all of us was clear.
Survivors were then asked to raise their hands. As my hand went up, I was grateful that I survived. Maybe I am not doing well at the moment, but this too shall pass. I AM ALIVE. I AM BLESSED.
The ceremony ended with a powerful video, of men and women saying thank you. Those thank you's touched me deeply. As everyone walked away, some on crutches, many limping, I recognized the sacrifice these people have made, just to help people like me... I thanked my friends, as we said our good-byes.

THE ROUTE-SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2003 As the walk began, Frank and I returned to the hotel so that I could rest. After an hour or so, we decided to leave for breakfast. While out, there was torrential rain. At one point, it was raining so hard that I told Frank they would be unable to walk if it continued at this rate. I called them on the cell, and they sounded great. Mike told me the rain itself wasn't as bad as being SPLASHED BY THE CARS. I hadn't thought of that! Within an hour, the rain moved out and it was perfect conditions...overcast and breezy. Unfortunately, with wet feet, walking was difficult, especially the hills.
Feeling pretty good after another rest, I decided to try and find them on the route. After driving and calling Mike, we finally located them at a rest stop, just before lunch. I was able to see them for a few minutes, then they walked toward the lunch area, which was a mile ahead, at the ten mile mark. Frank drove me there, and as we walked into the area, people cheered me (We were wearing the credentials in order to get into the area itself). I could not make eye contact with them. I didn't deserve the cheers, I hadn't walked ten feet, let alone TEN MILES.
Mike, Joanie, and Caren had walked up a small hill to the food tent. Kelle was standing with us, and I realized the hill was too much for me to attempt. Mike called us, and I waved to them and said goodbye. We decided I would meet them at 5pm in the Wellness Village, which is where they would sleep. I knew I would not be able to stay in the tents.
Frank took me back to the hotel, where I went to bed for a couple of hours. We obtained directions to the Wellness Village, which was 18 miles from the hotel, and should take us about 25 minutes. Between bad directions, and traffic, it took two hours to find them! The trip alone was exhausting. I kept in touch with them via cell phone, and they were tired. They were determined to wait on me. As we made it to camp, I realized that the tent they were waiting in was far away...at least in my perspective it was far. By the time I made it, I was sick. I thought I would not make another step, and I didn't stay more than ten minutes. I apologized for the very brief stay, and explained that I had to leave. By the time I was back in the car, I felt bad. It was the hardest moment of the weekend physically. I kept the window down to get some air, and Frank found me a drink. After a while, the feeling passed. It took an hour and a half to get back to the hotel. It was 8:50 when we arrived, and I was in bed by 9pm.

SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2003 We have to be downstairs at 5am to catch a shuttle to opening ceremonies. Frank and I are staying at the same hotel, so that we do not have to pack up our gear. That makes it easier on us. I move slowly and try to eat a little food. I dress in running pants and the Avon T-Shirt, just like the other walkers, and go downstairs. The guys are gathered and waiting, and soon the bus comes to pick us up. It is a little chilly, and raining..a light mist. By the time we make it to the Capitol area for opening ceremonies, the rain is coming down, and the guys are glad they purchased ponchos at registration. Breakfast is handed to us in bags, and we stand and talk while eating. Frank walks back to the hotel to get Kelle's vehicle, so that I will have a ride after opening ceremonies are over. The wait seems eternal. It is 5:30 am, the time we were required to be there, and opening doesn't start until 7am. I start to feel weak, and we move to a bench where I can sit down. We are smiling through the rain and spirits are high. As I look around, the group seems small. With a little over 1000 walkers in attendance, it is less than 25% of last years participation level in the Avon Three Day. To see that decline is disheartening. At the same time, I recognize that these people that ARE in attendance care every bit as much as those that waked last year. They carry pain, they carry hope, and some carry celebration...celebration of life. An announcement is made, and walkers are asked to move to the stage. I decide not to go, for fear of being "trapped" in the group should I need to leave quickly. I hug them goodbye, and they walk away. As opening approaches, Frank walks with me and I stand at the back of the group. An opening speech is made, and one full of emotion. With the words "Let the walk begin" they file away. Frank and I are left standing alone and my heart breaks. Tears flow again as I write these words, recalling the pain. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do...watch them walk away. Finally Frank and I begin to leave, and as we do, I see the line of walkers coming around. There's Kelle...and I move across the line to see them, the team pulls aside. We all cry as they hug me goodbye and I thank them for what they are doing. Tearfully, they walk away, bringing up the rear. "Next year" I say, as I smile through the tears and give them a thumbs up. How my heart aches...

FRIDAY, APRIL 25, 2003 It's time to leave, and a small part of me wants to just cancel and stay safe at home. A bigger part of me is determined. I have to get there, I have to get some confidence in my body, I have to get through this.
The two hour drive to the airport is without incident. Frank drives me to the terminal, so that I do not have to walk. The first flight is only 30 minutes to Charlotte. When we arrive in Charlotte, I take the moving sidewalks, and sit and rest often. Half way there.... Our final flight is less than an hour and we land at Dulles. Frank calls Kelle to let her know that I will have to rest and eat before attempting the walk to the main terminal. After a few rest stops, we leave through security and I see Kelle. We hug and she says YOU MADE IT. Yes, Kel, I did...it was very hard, but I MADE IT. Caren walks up and we hug. I believe I have made the right decision.
As we leave the terminal, I feel the breeze. Emotion takes over and I stand on the sidewalk. I DID IT. I watch everyone passing by, and I wonder about their lives. Do they take it for granted? I stand thankful that I was able to walk a hundred yards. I feel the breeze, and I am happy to be alive.
We take the 45 minute drive to the hotel and they drop me off at the hotel lobby. Kelle, Frank and Caren go to find parking. I move inside and sit down. All around me I see Avon Walkers, and signs for registration. Taking a deep breath, I try to remain calm. I am fatigued, and feel weak. As I sit, I turn and see Mike and Joanie. What a site! I was thrilled to see them again. The last time I saw them, they were meeting us at the finish line at last year's Breast Cancer Three Day. They know I have been feeling sick, but I have not revealed to them the full reality. I cannot tell them, not yet. We hug, we laugh, and I wonder if they notice my weakness as I move to a chair.
The rest of the crew comes in, and here we are, the six of us. Carolynn's Crew Year Two is now complete. Kelle and I walk to the registration area to see how long the process appears to be. Everything has to be planned out, so that I am not on my feet for very long. Good news...the process is only about 15 minutes. I feel relieved. We decide to go to the rooms, so that I can rest for a few minutes before registration. Making our way through registration, I feel excitement, but also hurt. I am given credentials, I am a walker, but yet I know I will not be participating. Even if emotion and adrenaline take over tomorrow, I will not walk. If I do, I KNOW it will be something I will regret. If only I can walk the PINK MILE (which is not a mile long) on Sunday, I would be happy. Is that too much to ask of myself? I'll not know until Sunday.
Registration is complete, and the team discusses dinner plans. I know it is time to tell Mike, Joanie, and Caren that I cannot walk. I pull them aside and they gather in front of me. "I don't think I can go to dinner with you guys. I need to tell you something. You know I have not been feeling well, but the truth is that I have been very sick for two weeks. It wounds my heart to say this, but I cannot walk. I just don't have it in me." I begin to cry as the pain takes over. "I honestly did not think I would make it here today, and it's a miracle that I am here. I will try to meet you in the Wellness Village, and do everything I can to walk the last distance with you. I just don't have the strength to do more, and until they figure out exactly what is wrong, I HAVE TO take care of myself." I see their emotion and concern. They will walk for me. I hug them and walk away as tears stream down my face.

THURSDAY, APRIL 24, 2003 My thyroid is normal, perfectly in the middle of the normal range. Good news!
I want to make this trip. My only goal is to JUST GET THERE. I want to see Kelle, Caren, Mike and Joanie. I have Frank traveling with me, and my faith in him is strong. He will not let anything happen to me. I talk to Kelle again, and I know she feels the same. She will protect me. My family doesn't want me to travel, and I know it. I asked my dad, whom I love insanely, how he felt about me going. I saw it in his eyes, he is concerned that I may collapse. Not wanting to disappoint him, I am trying to find peace about my decision to attempt the trip. He told me he understood both sides...my desire to see my team, to work for a cause that I am passionate about. He also said my health must come first. I know he is right. I have pushed through every physical challenge, and always tried to remain positive. Is it time for me to make myself stop? To finally give my body a chance to heal? By the evening, I am nervous, but I have committed to travel. I know in my heart that I cannot stay home. I pray that I can make the trip. I change my flight to leave later on Friday, to give myself the best chance for traveling successfully.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2003 "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it" -Maya Angelou

TUESDAY, APRIL 22, 2003 After a full day at the hospital, Dr. Stefanini has confirmed that my scans are clear. I have been in remission eighteen months, and there is every indication that I am still CANCER FREE. I still have to wait on my cancer markers, and a few other blood tests, one of which is my thyroid. This may account for the weakness I have felt of late. In addition, Dr. Stefanini feels certain that most of the problem stems from my illness. Within less than two years, I was pregnant, had cancer, high doses of chemo, and then a total hysterectomy. The trauma to my body has been intense, and I am suffering the after effects. I will have to adjust my lifestyle and allow my body time to heal.
A friend sent this poem today, and her timing was perfect--
LESSONS OF THE GEESE
In the fall when you see
Geese heading south
for the winter flying along
in the "V" formation,

You might be interested
in knowing what science
has discovered about why
they fly that way.

It has been learned that
as each bird flaps its wings

it creates uplift for
the bird immediately following.

By flying in a "V" formation,
the whole flock adds at least 71%
greater flying range
than if each bird
flew on its own.

Quite similar to people
who are part of a team and
share a common direction

get where they are
going quicker and easier,
because they are
traveling on the trust
of one another and
lift each other
up along the way.

Whenever a Goose falls
out of formation,

it suddenly feels
the drag and resistance
of tying to go through
it alone and quickly
gets back in the formation
to take advantage of the power
of the flock.

If we have as much
sense as a Goose,

we will stay in formation
and share information with those
who are headed
in the same way
that we are going.

When the lead Goose
gets tired, he rotates
back in the wings
and another Goose takes over.

It pays to share leadership
and take turns doing hard jobs.

The Geese honk from behind
to encourage those up front
to keep up their speed.

Words of support and
inspiration help
energize
those on the front line,

helping them to keep pace
in spite of the day to day
pressures and fatigue.

It is important that our
honking be encouraging.
Otherwise, it's just
-well...

honking!

Finally, when a Goose gets
sick or is wounded
and falls out,

two Geese fall out of the formation and
follow the injured one
down to help and protect him.

They stay with him until he is
either able to fly or
until he is dead,

then they launch out
with another formation
to catch up with their group.

When one of us is down,
it's up to the others
to stand by us
in our time of trouble.

If we have the sense

of a Goose,

we will stand by each other

when things get rough

We will stay in formation
with those headed where
we want to go.

The next time you see
a formation of Geese,

remember their message that:

"IT IS INDEED A REWARD

A CHALLENGE AND

A PRIVILEGE

TO BE A CONTRIBUTING

MEMBER OF A TEAM."

-author unknown

MONDAY, APRIL 21, 2003 I am uncomfortable with disclosing the reality of my health. Emotionally, I am strong. Physically, I am not. Tomorrow I hope to have answers.

SUNDAY, APRIL 20, 2003 Easter Sunday, and I spent the afternoon in bed. I remind myself of the trauma my body has been through, to try and understand why I am sick. Pregnancy, cancer, chemo, and a hysterectomy...it has been more than my body can handle. I never dreamed that eighteen months after my last treatment I would still have problems. I trust Dr. Stefanini, and am eager to see him Tuesday.

FRIDAY, APRIL 18, 2003 In one week, it will be time for the Avon Walk. I cannot believe how quickly time passes. My health continues to decline, and I am feeling uneasy. As each day passes, I lower my goal. Walking any distance is no option, I only pray I can travel without incident.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 16, 2003 I am now unable to stand on my feet for longer than two hours. Every trip I have made out of the house has ended with illness. Without warning, I feel weak and light-headed. I'll be glad to have my scans done Tuesday, to find out what's wrong.

MONDAY, APRIL 14, 2003 Weigh in day, and I lost another two pounds. I am now at the twenty-five pound mark, and five to go for my original goal. Frank started this eating plan with me, from the beginning, as a show of support. He also believed it would be good for his health. He has ended up losing nineteen pounds so far, and really only needed to lose half of that. He is continually picking up his carb intake, but apparently has a much faster metabolic rate than we suspected. On a sad note, I have learned that Dr. Atkins is now in a coma and on life support. He fell on an icy sidewalk a few days ago and suffered a severe blow to his head. I just told Kelle this morning that it hurts me to hear about him. I finally found a nutritional approach that I totally believe in, and in a brief moment of time I am reminded that even he is not invincible. Walking into work Tuesday morning, how could he know that in a FRACTION of a second his life would change forever? That his life may likely end? LIFE IS SO FRAGILE.

FRIDAY, APRIL 11, 2003 Two weeks from today, Frank and I will be traveling to DC to meet up with Kelle, Caren, Mike, and Joanie. I am eager to see them, and reconnect with the powerful emotion of the walk. In some ways, I believe the walk will energize me, and help me get beyond the physical limitations I am currently dealing with.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9, 2003 I am still plagued with extreme fatigue. With the Avon Walk just over two weeks away, I have spoken with my team mates about my abilities. I know I have their support. I will go, and I will do my best, but to expect to finish the walk is unrealistic. Had this been last year, that realization would have greatly upset me, but I now know that many people do not walk the full distance. Some come with a goal of only walking three miles, or five miles. Last year, who did I admire the most? Not the trim little women who didn't break a sweat..it was the 300 pound woman who gave it her all. She pushed, she walked. I KNEW she was making the most sacrifice and I will never forget her. How far did she ultimately walk? I do not even know. I do know that she had an impact on me, though. It is with a great sense of peace that I will travel to Washington DC...knowing that I will only do my best. I will walk the Pink Mile. I will have my husband and my friends by my side...to celebrate life, to save others lives, and THAT'S what it is all about anyway, isn't it?

TUESDAY, APRIL 8, 2003 I went back to have all of my blood work done, just as I did in January, before Atkins. I am thrilled that I have dropped my cholesterol forty-four points, to 173. My other numbers look good, although my reds are a bit low, just as they were ten weeks ago. These tests confirm that I am doing something right. I also went to see Dr. Stefanini. As we discussed the symptoms I am experiencing, he seemed to be not at all surprised. In two weeks, I will have my eighteen month scans, and at that time he will also complete a battery of chemical testing, to help confirm or define my problems. He feels sure he will have a medication to help me. I trust him implicitly, and will do anything he asks. We have the same goals...ultimately, I want to be restored to good health.

MONDAY, APRIL 7, 2003 My weigh-in was flat... no gain, no loss. After a surprising three pound loss last week, this is no problem for me. I am staying on plan and fully expect a loss next week. Twenty-three pounds in nine weeks is gratifying to me. As I look over past entries, it is clear my focus has been on eating and trying to restore my health, above exercise. I have walked some with my friend Diane, but only as far as my body would allow. I am unable to walk ten miles at this point, and twenty-six is probably not an option for me. I committed to doing everything I could to make myself ready, and that's what I have done. My goal remains the same...to be the best that I can be by November 5, at age 40. And next year, maybe then, I can COMPLETE the Avon Walk.

THURSDAY, APRIL 3, 2003 I spoke with Avon today, to review the information I had mailed in regards to their request that I be a press spokesperson for the walk. As we discussed my story, I told her about feeling the air on my face, and that it always felt so good to walk outside. She asked me how I felt as time passed...if my gratitude, my appreciation for life had changed. She wanted to know if I had begun to fall back into the old way of life. After eighteen months, I have NOT begun to take life for granted. My one desire would be to always hold on to these feelings, to recognize that life is precious. It is also very fragile, and we do not know what tomorrow will hold. She cried as we talked.

TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 2003 One woman DIES from breast cancer every FOURTEEN MINUTES. That statistic haunts me. My life was spared, and I thank God every day for that. Today, I have been in remission eighteen months, and it's time to schedule my next set of scans...to ensure I am still cancer free. I want to talk to Dr. Stefanini as well, about the problems I am having.

MONDAY, MARCH 31, 2003 Surprisingly, I have lost another three pounds. I have no doubt the Atkins Nutritional Approach is a way of eating for life. I've added nuts, seed, and berries to my diet, and have lost twenty-three pounds in total. My original goal was thirty pounds, and if I hit that, I will weigh exactly what I did before I got sick. Beyond that, I'd like to lose another seven pounds or so.

SATURDAY, MARCH 29, 2003 My youth group competed today in a regional tournament. I was so proud of them! It was our first year competing and they were great!! Unfortunately, by lunch time, I felt sick and had to leave. My friend had driven me down. The dizziness, tingling, racing heart. At that point, I hated that I was two hours from home. I longed for the security of my own house. After about thirty minutes, the feeling passed and I was left drained.

FRIDAY, MARCH 28, 2003 Another phone call today. A gentleman has asked me to call his wife, whose cousin (and close friend), was just diagnosed.

THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 2003 As we had decided, I talked with the person who had emailed me. We spoke at length, and I do hope something I said can help her and her sister. We talked about chemo, its effects, and other issues related to breast cancer. Throughout my illness, I have had the opportunity to talk with many individuals, including husbands, who just want to be given a little hope, a reminder, a voice to associate with SURVIVAL.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 26, 2003 I received an email from someone whose sister was just diagnosed with breast cancer, and she desperately wanted to do something, anything, to give her sister comfort. I have offered to speak with her by phone tomorrow. If I can be of help, to anyone, even in the smallest way, then that's what I want to do. In thirty days, Carolynn's Crew will be walking.

TUESDAY, MARCH 25, 2003 "Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence." --Henry David Thoreau

MONDAY, MARCH 24, 2003 I lost another two pounds, and have hit the twenty pound mark. This has been the easiest, and yet the toughest, change I have ever made! At the same time, I continue to experience random periods of dizziness, and tingling of my limbs, the same symptoms I had while I was pregnant. I show all the signs of low blood sugar, but have been tested repeatedly, and the tests are always fine. A bit low, but in the normal range.

FRIDAY, MARCH 21, 2003 Back to the doctor. I definitely am prone to kidney stones, as several crystals were found. I MUST drink as much as I can, to give myself the best chance at not developing a stone.

THURSDAY, MARCH 20, 2003 Tomorrow is the first day of Spring! New life, new beginnings. I love the four seasons!

TUESDAY, MARCH 18, 2003 A visit to the doctor today resulted in being told I may have a kidney stone. I'm on antibiotics, and I have to go back for additional tests.

MONDAY, MARCH 17, 2003 Another pound off, making total of eighteen pounds lost. Mentally, I feel good. I am confident that I am doing everything I can to build myself back up physically. I have changed my eating, I take my vitamins, I am losing weight, I drink water, and walk as much as I can. This gives me a sense of peace. I won't beat myself up for something I cannot control.

FRIDAY, MARCH 14, 2003 I am tried...just plain tired, and I can't shake it. UGH.

TUESDAY, MARCH 11, 2003 I feel I've hit a wall physically. I just can't seem to get my strength back. I feel great about my eating and weight loss. My energy level is another issue. A simple trip out is exhausting, and I just can't figure out why.

MONDAY, MARCH 10, 2003 Three pound loss and seventeen total. The plan requires strict discipline, and that works very well for me, as does the health approach, with weight loss secondary.

THURSDAY, MARCH 6, 2003 More snow! Cozy inside, I cannot stop thinking abut the woman I met days ago.

TUESDAY, MARCH 4, 2003 Tonight I hosted our Church ladies group meeting. We had a missionary from the Philippines join us. This was her first visit to the United States, and she spoke about how she slept in such a soft bed here, while her children were still in their country, sleeping on cardboard and concrete. Her heart was breaking over her children, and it literally broke my heart, as she spoke. We have been blessed so much...

MONDAY, MARCH 3, 2003 No weight loss this week, but it doesn't get me down. I am still eating properly, and I know my body will reward me next week.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2003 "Until he has been part of a cause larger than himself, no man is truly whole."

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2003 Another weigh in and another loss, three pounds. I'm up to fourteen pounds, which is almost halfway to my minimum weight loss goal of thirty pounds.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2003 IT'S TOO COLD TO WALK OUTSIDE!!! Tick, tock, time is passing.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2003 Another loss, this week two pounds. I have now lost eleven pounds in three weeks. I have not eaten potatoes, corn, white flours, breads, fruits, or processed foods, and I do not miss any of it. So far so good.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2003 It is so difficult to train for a spring event. The temperatures are frigid, and I do not want to go outside and walk. The Nordic Track is a little too intense for me right now. I am not as strong as I want to be.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2003 I learned over the weekend that Michael will not be able to walk with me. His work schedule has changed and it just isn't possible. When I told Frank, he immediately volunteered to walk in his place. I am thrilled with his support.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2003 I have lost another four pounds, for a total of nine in two weeks. This is wonderful motivation, and I feel much better about the foods that I eat.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2003 "Conviction...is worthless till it converts itself into Conduct." --Thomas Carlyle

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2003 I have lost five pounds after a week of cutting out sugar. Today I start full Atkins induction, and am really looking forward to the changes. I went to the hospital for a full blood work up. To my surprise, my cholesterol was 217.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 29, 2003 I am adjusting to the low carb diet, after two days with a headache. Today the plan is easier, and I am "sold" on these changes being the right way...for life.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 2003 My first focus is my health. Yesterday was the first day of a totally different nutritional plan. I have gained thirty pounds since I was diagnosed, and it's time to take the weight off and eat healthy.

MONDAY, JANUARY 27, 2003 NINETY DAYS from today I will begin the Avon Walk. 26.2 miles the first day...it is becoming very real to me. Today is my self-imposed deadline. Today, I commit, 100%, to making sure my mind and body are ready. I had envisioned this years walk being a great advantage over last year, because of the amount of time my body would have had to heal from chemo. I did not anticipate another surgery in the Fall of 2002. Physically, no doubt, I am much stronger this year, but not where I need to be either. Today, I feel very good...something has "clicked", and I have no doubt that I will give what it takes in the next three months to make this walk a success. 2003 is a big year for me, as I celebrate my fortieth birthday this fall, and a second year of remission.
I AM READY.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 21, 2003 I am struggling with the passing of time. It seems to slip away from me and I don't know how to slow it down. I am trying this week to focus on my routines, and make every minute count. In going through some things, I came across this, a quote that really touches me.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2002

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2002

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2002

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2002

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2002

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2002

2003 Walkers
Carolynn Johnson
Kelle Merritt
Frank Johnson
Caren Veder
Mike Schilling
Joanie Galestro
Pam Martin
Lois Garrett
Susan Safran
Darlene Flynn

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